reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
