why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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