Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
