i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
