Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
