I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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