pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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