My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
