Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
