The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
