you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
