There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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