I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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