can u get pink eye on your cock?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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