Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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