I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I intend to get homeless drunk
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
