I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
