dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
