Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
