Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
