if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
two words...techno handjob
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
