I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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