How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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