Her vagina should come with caution tape.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
