What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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