I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
