So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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