It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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