I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
