I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
