I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
