In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
