That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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