I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Randomize
