I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
