I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
