the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
love makes seman taste better
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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