PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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