i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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