hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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