Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
