there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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