That's intense
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
