I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
