so that wasnt chicken after all
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
