The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
