Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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