I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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