All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
