I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
